Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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