Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
