I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
