she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
