theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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