Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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