She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
