fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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