you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
