the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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