i jhust puked up my retainher.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
