I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
