I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
