why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
