Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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