Heybabeimwearingurpanties
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
