Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize