But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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