All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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