at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
