why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
