Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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