My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
