So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
