There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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