Farmville is her only friend.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
