I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize