I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
