you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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