I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
