I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
