I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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