I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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