he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
