I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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