I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i believe in u and ur pee
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
