before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
