I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
