Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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