Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize