Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
