There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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