he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize