Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
