Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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