i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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