Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
