I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
