I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize