Little spoons don't ask big questions
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize