Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
