woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
