If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
