The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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