I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize