u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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