Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
