I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
