That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
