I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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