i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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