that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
