his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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