i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We have started to decorate penises.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
