It's Friday. Sex?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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