Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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