the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
