Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
