If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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