Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
