oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
do nipples grow back?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
