Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
