How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
