In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
