I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
