Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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