the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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