I've blown a few things in my day
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
