hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
